Sunday, November 3, 2013

Work, School and Lyme disease

I lost my job last January.  Losing my job was actually quite a blessing.  I worked from home, but even that prooved to be too much more times than not.  Sitting all day at a desk become very uncomfortable.  My legs and finger tips would go numb.  The light on the computer screen would often be too much to look at.  I would find myself extremely fatigued.  Needless to say, there was a small celebration in my house when I lost my job.

My LLMD upped my treatment when she knew I wasn't working.  It was probably the toughest couple months of treatment.  We were targeting Babesia and my brain felt swollen - maybe it was!  I had horrible thoughts.  There were a few times I wanted to check myself into a mental hospital.  Somehow, I made it through that....during hard times I always try to remember that there is always light at the end of the tunnel.  Lyme is like climbing a mountain with many peaks.  You go up and then down, up and down, up and down.  The entire thing is hard, but just when you think you can't take anymore, you reach a valley. 

I did have a few months where I felt really good and focused on job hunting.  I applied to over 100 jobs during that time frame.   Over the course of the year, I applied to over 200 positions.  So many of the positions seemed like they would be a perfect fit, but many had over 500 applicants.   Portland, Oregon has a horrible job market.  Granted, I could have taken a job waitressing or working at a grocery store, but I wasn't willing to take such a significant pay cut in comparison to my previous position.   Looking back, I can see that a job wasn't in the cards for me.  I was supposed to take another route.  It seemed that going back to school was the best answer.  So that is exactly what I have done. 

I'm grateful that things worked out this way.  Like most chronic Lyme Sufferers, Fall hit and hit hard.  All of my symptoms came rolling back.  Extreme Fatigue.  Dizziness.  Anxiety.  Numbness.  Joint Pain.  The list could continue for quite some time.  I was so thankful I didn't have a job.  There is absolutely no way that I could have worked through the last few months.

As far as school goes, it too has been a struggle.  When my symptoms are high, I have a hard time under the florescent lights.   It's also tough to see students flying through all of their homework.  It seems I have to put in three times as much time as most students.  My brain works much slower than it used to.  Processing words can be difficult sometimes and my memory just isn't there. 

It's also very difficult to treat Lyme while in school.  Herxing would cause symptoms to flare and I can't imagine managing my class load feeling any worse.

I'm determined to get my health back - whatever it takes!  And when I do, I'll be better prepared for the working world.  Until then, I'll continue following this trail up, over, down and around the mountain.

Keep on keeping on.....


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